Last week, I had the opportunity to be part of the SHRM Broward + SHRM Miami Annual Conference at Hard Rock Stadium.

But what made the experience especially meaningful was that I wasn’t only on the stage.

For months, I had also been working behind the scenes helping bring pieces of the conference to life connecting with speakers, coordinating conversations, building relationships, helping shape the Executive Leadership Track, solving problems, sending emails, making calls, and doing the work people do not always see.

Then came conference day.

We discussed leadership, careers, setbacks, business, and what it really takes to move to the next level.

And then I was asked a question:

“What’s some of the worst feedback you’ve ever received in the workplace?”

I knew my answer immediately.

Years ago, I interviewed for a Vice President of HR position.

I didn’t get the job.

When I asked for feedback, I was told:

“You don’t have executive presence.”

Whew.

Those words stayed with me.

I researched executive presence.

I took trainings.

I studied how executives were “supposed” to communicate, behave, present themselves, and show up.

I spent a lot of time trying to understand what I was missing.

But somewhere along the way, I realized something.

Maybe what I had been asked to develop was not simply executive presence.

Maybe I had been measured against someone else’s idea of what an executive was supposed to look and sound like.

And that left me with a decision:

Do I become someone else’s version of an executive or become more intentional about the leader I already am?

That question changed things for me.

Today, I can walk onto a stage at Hard Rock Stadium, sit among executives, share my perspective, laugh, tell my story, bring my full personality into the conversation and still belong in the room.

Not because I finally learned how to perform executive presence.

Because I developed my presence, my own presence.

And maybe that was the lesson I needed all along.

Feedback is data. It is not always destiny.

Emotional intelligence teaches us not to immediately reject difficult feedback.

But it also teaches us that we do not have to automatically absorb every opinion as truth.

We can pause.

We can get curious.

We can ask:

What part of this feedback can help me grow?

What part reflects someone else’s expectations, preferences, or assumptions?

What needs to change?

And perhaps one of the hardest questions:

What about me does not need fixing?

That is a very different relationship with feedback.

It requires self-awareness.

It requires emotional regulation.

And sometimes, it requires enough confidence to examine criticism without allowing it to rewrite your identity.

Not every lesson happens on the stage.

As I looked around the stadium that day, I was reminded of something else.

Leadership is not built only in the visible moments.

It is built in the emails no one sees.

The difficult conversations.

The relationships you nurture.

The calls you make.

The promises you keep.

The problems you solve quietly.

The moments when you choose curiosity over defensiveness.

And the way people experience you when there is no microphone, spotlight, title, or applause.

The stage was beautiful.

But I am equally grateful for everything that happened before I ever stepped onto it.

Because sometimes the most important evidence of our growth is realizing that we no longer need to become the person someone once told us we should be.

We simply need to keep becoming a more intentional, self-aware, courageous version of ourselves.

An EQ question for you

What is one piece of feedback you received that once hurt but eventually helped you understand yourself differently?

Instead of asking only:

Was the feedback right or wrong?

Try asking:

What did I learn about myself because of it?

And maybe one more:

Did that feedback help me become more of myself—or did it make me believe I needed to become someone else?

There is wisdom in knowing the difference.

Stay curious. 💛

Dr. Dale

Let’s keep the conversation going.

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