Have you ever been absolutely certain about something… only to

realize later that you were seeing it through the wrong lens?

Maybe you thought someone was being disrespectful.

Maybe you assumed a colleague was disengaged.

Maybe you decided a team member lacked motivation.

Maybe you walked into a meeting convinced you already understood the problem.

And then you got more information.

Suddenly, the picture changed.

That is the thing about perception.

What we see is not always the same as what is true.

And for leaders, that matters.

Because we do not simply respond to situations.

We respond to our interpretation of situations.

Our experiences, emotions, assumptions, biases, expectations, stress levels, and even our current mood can influence what we believe we are seeing.

That is why emotional intelligence requires more than simply paying attention.

It requires learning to question the lens.

What lens are you looking through?

If you are frustrated, you may see resistance.

If you are anxious, you may see danger.

If you feel disrespected, you may hear attitude in someone’s tone.

If you are under pressure, you may interpret questions as challenges.

If you already believe someone is difficult, nearly everything they do can become additional evidence.

That does not mean your perception is always wrong.

It means your perception deserves examination.

One of the most powerful questions a leader can ask is:

“What else could be true?”

That one question creates space between reaction and response.

And that space is where emotional intelligence lives.

Sometimes perception becomes projection

We all carry stories.

Stories about what leadership should look like.

Stories about professionalism.

Stories about work ethic.

Stories about communication.

Stories about what a “good employee” does.

And without realizing it, we can begin projecting those stories onto other people.

Someone communicates differently than we do, so we assume they are ineffective.

Someone needs time to process, so we label them disengaged.

Someone challenges an idea, so we decide they are difficult.

Someone does not respond with the emotion we expected, so we question whether they care.

But leadership requires us to stay curious long enough to separate:

What I observed

from

What I assumed

from

What I felt

from

What I concluded.

Those are four very different things.

Clarity does not mean having all the answers

Leaders often feel pressure to know.

Know the strategy.

Know the answer.

Know what is coming next.

Know exactly what to say.

But leadership rarely gives us perfect information.

Healthcare certainly does not.

Business does not.

Life does not.

Sometimes the most emotionally intelligent thing a leader can say is:

“Here is what we know right now.”

“Here is what we do not know yet.”

“Here is what we are going to do next.”

That is not weakness.

That is clarity without pretending to have certainty.

There is a difference.

Zoom out before you react

When I work with leaders, I often encourage them to widen the frame.

Before you respond to the employee…

Before you send the email…

Before you make the judgment…

Before you decide what someone “meant”…

Zoom out.

What else is happening?

What information might you be missing?

What emotion are you bringing into the situation?

What assumptions have you already made?

What would you notice if you looked at the situation from someone else’s perspective?

Sometimes the problem is not the picture.

Sometimes it is the lens.

The EQ Lens

Here is a simple practice you can use this week.

When something triggers a strong reaction, ask yourself:

1. What am I actually observing?

Stick to the facts.

2. What story am I telling myself about it?

Notice your interpretation.

3. What am I feeling?

Name the emotion instead of allowing it to quietly drive the response.

4. What else could be true?

Create room for another perspective.

5. What conversation do I need to have before reaching a conclusion?

Choose curiosity over certainty.

That is emotional intelligence in action.

Not ignoring your instincts.

Not doubting everything you see.

Simply recognizing that your first interpretation does not always have to become your final conclusion.

Your EQ reflection

Think about something happening in your workplace right now that feels frustrating, confusing, or unclear.

Ask yourself:

Am I seeing the situation as it is… or as I am?

That question can be uncomfortable.

But it can also be incredibly freeing.

Because sometimes changing the situation begins with changing the lens through which we are viewing it.

And when leaders learn to see differently, they often begin to lead differently too.

Stay curious. 💛

Dr. Dale

This week, before you become certain about what you are seeing, try asking:

“What else could be true?”

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Come as you are.

Dr. Dale

“The strongest leaders don’t just ask, ‘What am I seeing?’ They ask, ‘What might I be missing?’” Dr. Dale

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